All posts by Cataluest

How to Bring Back the Spark in a Long-Term Relationship

Whether it’s been 2 years…or 26…the sexual spark sometimes fades in a relationship. Here are a few ideas to bring it roaring back!

Hi Felicity! I would love to hear what you have to say about this. My husband and I have been married for 26 years and have two children. We raised a 23 year old daughter, she is now gone from our home, and our son is 15. We have a good marriage and a good sex life as well, but at times the spark goes up and down. After 26 years of marriage how do you with a good marriage keep the spark present sexually and moving forward in life? Thanks for your time!

Fireworks as Concept of Bringing Back the Spark in RelationshipFirst of all, congratulations on such a long marriage! Twenty six years together is impressive 🙂

As you mentioned, it is totally normal that your sex life will experience some ups and downs.

Each of us deal with fluctuations in hormones and other biological processes that have an effect on our libidos as we age. Also, after so much time together, it’s normal to develop some routines and automatically know our partner’s preferences.

These routines can end up making sex together somewhat predictable…

And predictability can definitely dim the spark.

My best advice is to purposely switch things up. Adding in something different can charge up the amount of dopamine that both of your brains will release giving that extra ZING.

When sex becomes routine, our brains don’t fire off as much of the pleasure chemical. And that leaves us feeling less inspired about sex. But it’s quite easy to remedy the situation by adding in some unexpected twists to the regular sexual plot line.

Intimate Couple Bringing Back the Fire in the RelationshipYou can do a simple thing like try a different room or time of day. Go ahead and get busy in the kitchen. Or surprise him in the shower one morning for a before-work quickie. Just changing the room to someplace other than your bedroom or doing it in the morning vs. at night is an easy way to give you both a sexual charge.

Another idea to try is getting into a “character” to do some role playing(even don a wig or some type of costume for maximum effect). The illicit thrill of making love to someone new is taboo but this is a completely safe way to pretend…

Maybe you arrange to meet up with your husband at a new restaurant or a place slightly out of town (you wouldn’t want to run into the neighbors!). And when you arrive, he might not recognize you with a wig and glasses on. You can then proceed to seduce him over the meal and invite him over for a “nightcap”.

Ooh la la, you naughty vixen!

I admit, some of this may sound silly but all of these ideas are simple ways to break out of your normal patterns. You’ll be surprised at how much a little surprise and novelty will bring that spark rarin’ back at full force.

My recent program, The Language of Desire  has a lot of in-depth material about how brain chemistry works in our sex lives.

I’ve included step-by-step instructions on over thirty different techniques guaranteed to amp up the spice and spark in your sex life. And the women who have read it are giving raving reviews (I’m sure their men are too *wink*). I’d love to have you check it out:

Do you have a question you’d like me to answer? Head on over to my Facebook page and ask away!

Can You “Cheat-Proof” Your Relationship?

Is there a way to prevent a partner from straying? How can you learn to trust again after getting betrayed? Listen as Felicity gives advice in this Q&A about trust and infidelity.

Hi Felicity – I need some advice. I am in a great relationship, we’ve been going strong for about six months now. I am happy and in love, and he seems just as content. But the problem is my last boyfriend was a cheater. When I discovered his betrayal, I was devastated. I even swore off love forever. Although, eventually I got tired of being single. And I met a really great guy (we were set up by my good friend, a co-worker of his). And even though my new guy is very different, and I love him very much, I’m still terrified he’s going to cheat on me, too. Is there anything I can do to make sure he won’t stray from our relationship?”

Well, short of locking him in a shed and hiding the key (which I do NOT recommend btw), the harsh answer is no, there isn’t anything you can do to “make sure” he won’t stray.

And I can tell you the quickest way to push him away (and possibly encourage him TO stray) is to constantly worry about him cheating.

Curious Woman Looking if Her Boyfriend is CheatingBecause your constant anxiety will come across in your communication. And it will feel to him like you are saying “I don’t trust you”.

Over time, this weighs heavy on the relationship. It’s actually downright toxic. He may even begin to feel like you are accusing him of cheating. And being made to feel guilty when you are innocent builds resentment.

Big time resentment.

I remember when I was a kid and my mom didn’t trust me to not get into the Halloween candy she’d bought in early October. So she hid it (not very well). And she kept tabs on me. And she questioned me. And watched me…

And finally, I just got so sick of being made to feel like I’d snuck some candy when I hadn’t…that I climbed up to the place she hid it in the hall closet and snatched a big handful.

Obviously this is a lot more serious than sneaking a few fun-size chocolate bars…but the result could end up the same. I’m not saying he’s going to run out and cheat. But if he feels like he’s already paying the price for a crime he didn’t commit…well…

My suggestion?

It sounds to me like you have some processing to do from your last relationship. A therapist or counselor can be a great option to help you work through your feelings of betrayal from the past. There are also tons of great books out there that can walk you through the steps of healing and learning to trust again.

And give your new boyfriend the benefit of the doubt. If he gives you no reasons to be distrustful, then for the sake of your relationship, you’ve got to knock it off with your worrying.

Here is the tough reality when it comes to love and cheating: on some level, you have to understand that it is possible you could get cheated on again.

And it will suck big time if it happens. But the good news is you will survive. You made it through before and have even been able to fall in loveagain.

Now, for some super fun ways to bolster both your emotional and physical connection…it sounds to me like taking a proactive approach to deepening your intimacy is one remedy for your anxiety.

Happy Couple With Strong Relationship and No IssuesAnd, while it doesn’t “cheat-proof” your relationship, generally speaking, when both partners are feeling really connected to one another the chances of any wandering eyes go way way down. And when you are having a blast in the bedroom, you are focused on each other more than the idea of extra-curriculars.

You may have seen the emails from Mike Fiore about the new program I put together called Language of Desire. In it you will find over 30 techniques specifically designed to not only give you both an awesomely fun sex life, but ways to deepen the emotional intimacy component of your relationship, too. You can check it out at

If you have a relationship question you’d like me to answer, join me on my Facebook page and send me a message!

Unlock His Devotion

The 1 Easy Idea You Can Use Today…To Unlock His Undying Devotion


You know that girlfriend of yours who has the perfect boyfriend?

The guy with the gorgeous floppy hair, quirky smile, and big heart devoted entirely to one person and one person only:

His girlfriend.

You’re so glad she found him, but honestly?

You are so insanely jealous. It’s hard to stop watching them. The way he’s so attentive to her needs. The way they seem to share thoughts without speaking. The way he wraps his arms around her so tightly it’s like they’re one body. Watching them makes you ache. Because the guy at your side doesn’t treat you like that.

It’s not that your guy isn’t wonderful. Of course he’s wonderful. It’s more…

How he treats you. He treats you like someone he’s gotten used to.
You know he doesn’t wake up in the morning pinching himself for being lucky enough to snag someone like you.

But you bet that’s what this other guy does. You can see it in his eyes.

The pleasure that radiates from his smile every time he looks at the woman he loves.

So you ask her—half-joking, half-hoping—if he has any brothers. She just laughs.

“Nah, that’s not what you need.” She leans towards you and glances around to make sure no one’s listening. “Want to hear a secret?”
You nod eagerly.

She whispers, “Our relationship was just like everyone else’s before. But then I found out about this crazy secret. It’s from this relationship coach named James Bauer. It’s, like, the key to unlocking men.”

You nod even more vigorously, but she’s stopped talking. You follow her gaze across the room. Her boyfriend is holding up a drink, asking her wordlessly if she wants one. She shakes her head, blows him a kiss, and turns back to you. “So, do you want to know what it is?”

“Yeah!” you say. “If it will help me and my guy read each other’s minds, like you two just did.”

“Okay, then listen closely…”

Women across the world make one universal mistake with men.


It’s not their fault. They’re just following common wisdom. Common wisdom says that men only fall for exceptional women. (Exceptional bodies, mainly.)

If you see a woman with a man trailing behind her like a puppy dog, common wisdom says you can be sure she has something you don’t.
It’s such an obvious explanation and yet…

It’s dead wrong.

That woman?

She’s no more exceptional than you. (Whatever THAT means.)
But what she does have is a very special understanding of men.
She understands that what matters most is NOT what he sees when he looks at her…

But how he sees himself reflected in her eyes.

The truth is this:

Men fall for women because of how those women make them feel.


When a man feels like a hero in a woman’s eyes, he swears his undying loyalty to her.

He can’t help it.

Most women don’t have that effect on him.

When he’s around most women, he feels like a dumb guy. Like he’s always doing something wrong. Like he needs a nanny to look after him.

He can count on one hand the number of women who look up to him. Who really, really respect him.

And he’s always going to have a place in his life for those women.

So, how do you make a man feel like a hero?

It sounds kind of silly.

Do you have to engineer some kind of scenario where he has to save kids from a burning house or a little old lady from getting hit by a car?

No. It’s a lot simpler than that.

To make your man feel like a hero, there’s one easy thing you can do starting right now:

You can thank him warmly for every single thing he does for you.


Did he offer to get you a drink?

Thank him.

Did he clear the dishes off the table?

Thank him.

Did he drive you to a meeting?

Thank him.

He’s a hero to you every day, even though you may not see it like that.

Has your man “rescued you”—metaphorically speaking—any time in the last week?

Maybe he dropped everything to help you. Maybe he was there when you needed a sounding board. Maybe his advice helped you make a difficult decision.

We tend to take those things for granted. We expect it. It numbs us to the actual miracle of having someone to rely on.

But the more you appreciate him…The more he appreciates YOU.

Now, that’s not how most people think.

Most women think they can earn a man’s appreciation by doing lots of things for him.

They’ve got it backwards.

The best way to earn a man’s appreciation is to appreciate everything he does for you, no matter how little.

It triggers his “Hero Instinct.”

(You can learn more about the Hero Instinct in James’ video here.)


For now, just know that the key to unlocking his undying devotion is NOT in everything you do for him…

But in how you respond to everything he does for you.

Did he just wrap his arms around you?

Give a little wiggle of contentment.

Did he agree to watch the program you wanted to see on TV?

Give him an appreciative kiss.

Reward the little things he does, and you’ll find your man striving

more and more to please you.

He’s your hero.

And that’s what heroes do.

But that’s just the beginning.


There’s so much more you can do to trigger his hero instinct.

There are phrases you can say, texts you can send, and little requests you can use to trigger his hero instinct 100 times more powerfully than just saying thanks.

And because no man can resist a woman who makes him feel like a hero, it’s worth learning a few of these emotional trigger points.

Want to take your relationship skills to the next level with men?

Then learn more about how you can master this powerful technique (from the man who invented it) in this short video.

Why He Doesn’t Want Perfect

He Doesn’t REALLY Want the Perfect WomanHe Wants These 3 Things from You Instead…

How much time do you spend trying to be the kind of woman you think men want?

If you’re like most women, it’s a LOT. You spend all this time making yourself look sexy and attractive.

All this time presenting yourself as fun, interesting, worldly, and not needy in the slightest. You spend all this time showing him just how good you’d be for him… How amazing his future would be if he chose you as the woman by his side…

And it doesn’t work. It never works. WHY? Why do you work so hard… And the guy in your life just takes you for granted, if he even notices you at all? It’s probably because he’s immature, right? He can’t recognize a good thing until it’s gone. Or maybe… It’s because you’ve been doing all the work for him.

If He Doesn’t Work for Your Relationship, He Won’t Value It


What men value most are those things they have to work hard to get.

Hand a man a college diploma, and he won’t value it as much as if he’d had to put in years of study and effort to earn it.

Hand a man the perfect girlfriend, and he won’t value her as much as if he’d had to woo her for weeks just to get her to go out with him. This is why playing hard to get works.

But, as you’ve probably already noticed…

There’s a BIG problem with playing hard to get. That strategy stops working once he’s actually got you.

Something happens when guys decide they’ve won you. It’s almost like they think, “Game over.” Their minds are already on their next challenge. What is going on?!

And how can you stop it from wrecking your relationship?

It’s Not Just You—ALL Women Experience This(That’s Why They Ask for Help)

Many women give up on love. They never let themselves get too close to a man, for fear of scaring him off. But other women try a different approach. They get help. Relationship coach James Bauer is one of the people they turn to.

He noticed that many clients were coming to him, complaining about guys who were blowing hot and cold. Everything would be going great, and then it was like…

Something would change overnight.

A guy who’d been warm, affectionate and interested would suddenly become distant. He’d no longer have any time for her. He wouldn’t smile in greeting. He’d stop making eye contact. His kisses were brusque. Wanting to help his clients, James investigated.

And what he discovered made sense of everything. He knew why these men were backing away. He knew what they needed … and what they weren’t getting.

It didn’t come down to anything wrong with these women.
Rather, it all came down to something he called “The Hero Instinct.”

Most Women Do Something that Drives Men Away…Without Ever Realizing It

One of the most wonderful things about women is how naturally caring they are.

Look at you. You’re always there for your guy. You look after him. You always make time for him. You’d do anything for him.

You never realize that, in the process…

You’re actually taking something away from him. You’re taking away his purpose.

You see, he wants to be your hero. He doesn’t want you to be his hero.

Men love heroes. Look at how many grown men are still fascinated by Marvel comics and superhero movies.

Every man on Earth, from the time he was a boy, dreamed of growing up to be the kind of hero who would save the world—and get the girl at the same time.

Most men don’t get to indulge their world-saving side in their 9-5 jobs.

Circumstances don’t call for them to rip off their corporate ties and spring into action, revealing their superman side. Maybe they can’t save the world. But they can still get the girl.

Getting the girl is a worthy challenge for an ordinary guy with the heart of a superhero. It takes superhuman confidence. Superhuman charm. Superhuman immunity to pain. Now, all he needs to find is…
A girl who needs a hero. Do You Need a Hero? Let me guess… That’s not you.

You’re strong. You’re independent. You can fix a leaky faucet. You can drive a stick shift. You can take care of yourself. You’re never going to make that Jerry Maguire mistake of looking for a man to complete you.

Instead, you have a lot to offer a man. You’re generous. Kind. Loving. Giving to a fault. All you want is to find a man who’s willing to receive all you have to give.

And that’s why heroes aren’t showing up in your life. That’s why you’ve ended up with so many takers instead. Guys who take everything you have and leave you high and dry. If you want a hero, then you need to advertise for one. Here’s how.

3 Ways You Can Invite a Hero into Your Life, Starting Today

1. Ask a guy for help.

Ask him for advice on buying a new computer. Ask him to listen to that weird rattling sound that’s started up in your car. Ask him to reach something on the top shelf. Then thank him warmly, with a great big smile of appreciation. No, that doesn’t make you needy. It makes you a woman with space for a man in her life.

2. Take pleasure in male company.

Guys love women who appreciate men for just being men. So what if his apartment is a shrine to sports? So what if he spends hours on his fantasy football team? So what if his idea of a clean shirt is the one with the fewest wrinkles? He’s a guy. It’s okay. You don’t need him to be more like you, because you’ve got the feminine side of the gender equation covered.

3. Let him earn your respect.

Superheroes love challenges. They don’t want to be given a gold medal just for showing up. They don’t want your love handed to them on a plate. They want to earn it. There’s one thing they crave even more than a woman’s eternal enduring love: A challenge. So give him opportunities to prove himself. You don’t have to do the work of winning him over. Sit back, relax, and allow him the pleasure of winning your admiration.

Keep Learning


If that sounds like fun to you, click here to watch a video presentation about this relationship enhancement tool. It’s something you can learn once, but then use for the rest of your life.

Helping Fill Human Needs & Desires For Dating Success

There is an innate desire by people to “belong”, either to a group, club, inner circle etc. This desire is so strong in some people that that people will go to great lengths to and do almost anything to get in. This need or desire is the platform that allows the opening up and surrendering to take place.

For the most part, the average person doesn’t know what drive him or her. They simply allow themselves to be led by others or by their randomly conditioned mechanism. Conditioning occurs all the time, from cradle to grave. I’ve alluded some social conditioning above i.e. political correctness conditioning.

People are so caught up by the treadmill of life, their day-to-day ‘activities’, the media in all its forms and the social conditioning that they never know what they really want. Because of this there appears to be a void, an intense craving, a strong need or desire to be swept away, to surrender to a higher power, a greater cause, to experience ‘falling in love’ or other intense emotional experience. (This often forms the basis of great epic stories and women’s literature).

When we find something or someone who can give us or put us into a strong emotional state, a state that consumes us, through excitement, passion, exhilaration, attraction, lust, love, etc. we allow ourselves to drop our guard, to surrender and be led.

It doesn’t matter what a person is surrendering to – as long as they get to experience that feeling. That ‘emotional high’, that is what they are after. It makes them feel alive.

Manipulators, marketers and seduction masters target that need… our need to fill that ‘hunger’, that ‘void’ and our desire to feel that emotional high.

These manipulators, marketers and seduction masters also know that they don’t have to give people what they want as the majority of people will surrender to emotions and experiences that resembles their want. In this way, people are often tricked into believing that they have found the real thing.

This means that you do not have to be what a man or woman want or think they want in order to attract him or her; you can attract someone by projecting what resembles their needs and desires.

Once you know what a person wants, or rather the person you want to attract wants, all you need to do is to project or take on the image of what he or she is looking for in a man or woman for them to be attracted to you.

Humans are highly emotional creatures. And you can learn to harness this to get the man or woman you want. To do this you must find what truly drives them, motivates them, makes them come alive and, yes, what makes them anxious, nervous and fearful.

You must learn to read the signs. And it sometimes helps to have someone in the other camp pass you their secrets, to provide you with the information, the mental triggers you need to know to fire genuine feelings of attraction in the opposite sex.

In order to uncover the powerful insider secrets that will skyrocket your dating life and make wonderful wonderful men and women beg you to date them check this.